Six, Seven, Eight...

The sixth and seventh principles of Prepare for Parenting and Feed with Love and Respect are hard to argue with. I would just like to maybe add that a three year old can feed himself milk with love and respect and you have no business sharing yours with him any more.

The last principle is one I struggle with every day. It is Respond with Sensitivity. I don’t think a child is ever too old to have their feelings hurt by insensitive things a parent says. So I guess yesterday when I found the empty bag of chips and the half-drunk glass of juice in the family room where eating is not allowed and I yelled: “YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL SLOBS!” I really flunked the Attachment Parenting test. Oh well. At least I aspire.

Cinco

Use Nurturing Touch is the fifth principle. This one is why the big cloth baby carrier is on every new mom’s gift list. My chiropractor says these are great for his business. While those who subscribe to the Detachment Parenting method can’t imagine life without the round thing with wheels, the bouncy, vibrating seat, the swing and the playpen, Attachment Parenting parents believe a baby is happiest when being toted around strapped to his mom or dad loading the dishwasher and ridding the lawn of dog poo.
I think these babies are really missing out on a lot of fun that my kids had as infants. How would The Athlete ever have learned to jump so high without the many hours of hanging in the Johnny Jump Up and giving her legs a workout? It could be argued that The Brainiac’s excellent driving skills can be directly traced to the many hours she spent chasing me around the kitchen chewing frozen pizza crusts in her Exersaucer.

And A Three, And A Four

Continuing with Attachment V. Detachment Parenting...

Engage in Nighttime Parenting is the third principle. This principle says that babies might be uncomfortable or lonely during the night and so you should just let them sleep with you. The problem then becomes that your husband becomes uncomfortable and lonely as well. This is my least favorite of the Principles, because I feel like it makes the kid too needy and the mom and dad too cranky.

Practice Positive Discipline is the fourth principle. I think this means do not spank your kid and you are not allowed to say: “Because I said so, that’s why.” I feel badly, because that is one of my favorite Detachment Parenting phrases. I think the best way to illustrate this principle being applied correctly is to tell you a little story about my niece, Curlylocks, the two-year-old daughter of sibling Number Six, whom, as I mentioned, is the president of the Attachment Parenting Fan Club.

One morning when this sister and I were at the home of sibling Number Eight, Curlylocks was sitting in her chair eating her porridge when she spied my glass of orange juice.

“Mommy, she said. “I want some of that.”

“Please may I have a glass of that?” my sister corrected, raising her right eyebrow.

“Please may I have a glass of that? Curlylocks said obediently, licking her lips. (Orange juice is not something she has in her normal life. Too much sugar.)

“O.K., “ said my sister. “For a special treat you may have a glass of orange juice,” and she poured Curlylocks a little, tiny glass.

And she drank it all up.

Then she looked right at her mother while holding up the empty glass and screamed at the top of her lungs:  “I WANT SOME MORE OF THAT!”

Then my sister kind of cocked her head to the side and raised her right eyebrow and just looked at Curlylocks for a couple of seconds without saying anything at all.

At which point Curlylocks put down the glass very calmly on the counter and said in a very polite and quiet voice: “Mama. When can I have some more of that?”

“Maybe on Thursday,” said my sister.

And then Curlylocks nodded her head and went back to eating her porridge.

During this exchange I was just looking back and forth from parent to child with the kind of sick excitement that an older sibling who has lived through the parenting of several strong willed children will have when watching a younger sibling deal with the challenge. I was getting ready for the big tantrum with maybe some stomping and some yelling from the child or the parent or both and I got nothing.

Watching this exchange made it clear that the Positive Discipline Eyebrow Raise is the most valuable of all the Attachment Parenting Principles, and the one I would fail at most miserably.

Detach...umm...Attachment Parenting - Part 2

The second principle is to Provide Consistent and Loving Care. This means you shouldn’t leave your kid with a bunch of different babysitters. Sometimes I notice that some fans of Attachment Parenting are interpreting this one to mean that you should NEVER leave your child with any babysitter. 

Back when I was practicing Detachment Parenting, I kind of cheated. I had a whole bunch of teenagers we would use on Friday nights because the same one was never available. Most of them had brown hair and the first one was named Megan. My oldest daughter (The Overachiever), who was about two at the time, started calling all of the babysitters Megan. So maybe you can cheat on the consistent part of Attachment Parenting if your kid is not too focused on details.

I think that leaving your kid with someone every now and then is very important because if you don’t, he will be the kid having a breakdown on the steps of the school bus on the first day of kindergarten and clinging desperately to your leg. And it is important not to screw around with kindergarten because even if you are an Attachment Parent, you will be dying to go on errands by yourself.