The Young and the Restless

That's the name of my Soap Opera. I go to work every morning and I come home for lunch and eat my stupid South Beach Diet rabbit food lunch and watch a half hour of these lives that are so much more desperate than mine. I like the way the women always are wearing dress-up clothes and make-up and their hair is never in a pony tail.

Then I go back to work and I come home again and I log on to my other soap opera: My extended Family Website (www.myfamily.com).  And do you know how disappointing it is when the only thing on there is pictures of my own kids?

I have proposed a new rule to my family where everyone will have to develop a story line a week. If they don't have one in their real life, they can make one up. It would be good if it was funny or scandalous. I'll start: Mine is really true.

When I went to get my boy some poker stuff at the poker store, the guy who owned it started hitting on me (if you think I'm bragging here, it is because you didn't SEE the guy).  

I was like: "Are these slot machines also for sale?"

And he says: "Everything in here is for sale.  Even me." And then he winked at me.

Poker Boy and his sister were with me and they were giving each other the glance and then when we got to the car the boy said:  "Hey.  Did you ever see anyone hit on our mom before?" 

Then the next day I had to go BACK, because I had to pick up this book on poker tells and I was scared to go in the place because of the creepy guy. So I waited in my car until I saw some other people go in and I quick grabbed the book and sprinted to the register because creepo was busy with some other customers. As the lady was ringing me up, Mr. Suave comes up to the register and sees my billfold, which has a big L on the front and says: "What's that stand for? Luscious?" And I said: "Are you for real?"

Now if that happened on the Young and the Restless, the guy would have been the heir to the throne of a small country and gorgeous, but in my life he was the owner of a poker store and looked a lot like Bozo the Clown.

Stay tuned to tomorrow, when Lisa's youngest daughter pinches her stomach and suggests she go on Biggest Loser . . .